Engagements, no longer a surprise

 Have you ever met those couples who are engaged after 3 months? And before they are even engaged they have already planned their entire wedding? In society that would be absolutely INSANE!! For some reason that is a normal phenomenon for the church.

I do not find this an intelligent way to approach eternity. For Pete's sake, you can wait a few extra months to make sure you are making a good decision! Marriage is a big step that takes commitment and loyalty. It's hard to tell how committed someone will stay throughout a lifetime. They may seem committed for the period that you are dating, but how is someone supposed to know how you will react to change? What about how you react to a change in weather?

In my own family, I have seen this take place. In the engagement process, they seemed to be such a good fit and they had similar hobbies, similar hopes, and dreams. However, over time I have slowly seen these things change. Usually, it was nothing drastic but we came to find out no, they don't like the outdoors and getting dirty. They prefer not to go out camping. One of those people who would rather chill at home than be social. We learned they aren't that passionate about those dreams they once had. It seemed as if they were playing up what they knew the other person liked because they wanted to be with them.

Now this isn't such a bad thing but it's hard seeing what you thought was a great fit slowly change. I liked to refer to it as stretching the truth to win them over. Granted people change, and that is completely normal. In a marriage, my hope is that we can learn and grow together. Everyone changes throughout life and we learn things on our own. In marriage, however, I think you have a greater opportunity to share what you learn personally!

As another note about engagements: I think wedding planning is very helpful for your future as a couple. Now, this is only helpful when the wedding planning is drama free and successful. The idea of planning a wedding just screams stress to my brain. So many details, so many opinions, and so much money! It can be hard to make so many decisions and especially as a couple. As a couple learns to make wedding decisions it helps them learn how to make mutual decisions. Learning to compromise and talk through things in order to find out what the other wants versus needs.

This idea of mutual decision-making seems to be difficult for many couples. It's like the largest arguments stem from the decision one person made that was not in line with what the other person felt. For example, a guy thinks a gun will be so beneficial to the family because then he can provide the family with meat during hunting season. While the wife, on the other hand, thinks it's a waste of money. That it will not result in food and the husband will be wasting hundreds of dollars on this gun. As well as the time spent wandering the woods.

When it comes to mutual decision making I think the best way to go about this is one with lots of communication. Secondly, by praying for inspiration from God. Being willing and open to whatever God has in store for your lives. He wants to help us and he will as we are faithful to Him.

Catch you all next week!

-Lora