Why does dating have to be SO difficult??

 Dating in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints… it's a whole different kind of bread. Not only is dating hard in the modern world now, but add on standards, strictness, lack of desire, and people who don't know where they stand in the gospel. It is a hard life to figure out and the expectations from older members are very high!

To start with I'd like to talk about the culture of "dating." I don't think we can consider it dating. Nowadays, it's a life of hanging out. We have lost the courtesies of a good date. Like manners, expectations, and boundaries. I like to think of the dating game 40 years ago. The purpose was to go out with the opposite gender and have a good wholesome time getting to know each other. However, in today's culture, we do not have that as much. Within the Church, there are a few who still try but it seems to be rare.

I would say typically life in the dating culture of the church is the following:

Someone asks for the other person's number. They text for a few days and they decide they should hang out. Some guys will try to make physical moves on the first date, other guys will wait months to see if the girl is interested. They will spend the majority of time in the apartment annoying their roommates and being lazy couch potatoes. Unable to pry themselves away from each other.

What an awful way to get to know someone!

I love watching old movies and seeing the love form after so many dates. My favorite is "The Notebook" Man it melts me! These old movies remind me of the power of getting to know someone. I am a firm believer that if you get to know someone more before you get touchy with them it is 100% better! This allows you to build a lasting relationship built on what matter most to you. I have found this approach very difficult in the LDS culture because many guys are just craving to touch a woman. I have had to be very clear about boundaries and not let those desires overtake me.

Unfortunately, I have to say that I have fallen for this approach to dating. It was a few years ago but every relationship that started with too much physical touching, or one might say "molecule swapping" never turned out well in the end. I found that they didn't last longer than a month after we had chosen to be "official."

After returning home from my 18-month mission I wanted to have a new approach to dating in the LDS culture. I wanted to find a good medium between having fun, being serious, and staying morally clean. It is still hard but I have seen some good results from trying to apply my standards and choosing God first. The best way I have been able to find a balance is by making sure God is involved in those I choose to date.

In the LDS culture, it surprises me to see how many people are so willing to jump into relationships and physical intimacy without asking God. We have our agency and choices but I would way rather have God's help in the decision process. Less heartache and more personal development.

Dating can be seen as tricking and so hard that people just give up. They see the success of others around them and wonder if they are good enough. I have a friend who is so amazing and would be such an amazing woman for any guy to have in their life. However, it's like guys can't see that because they are afraid. It's so sad to me how men are so afraid of asking girls out. Of course, no one likes to be rejected but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Back to the story of my best friend... she too could talk to more guys and ask guys out on dates. I just find it so shocking that people just assume things about others. For instance, believing that they don't fit the perfect mold so why even take them on one date or get to know them more.

Newsflash! You have to spend time with someone to get to know them and to see if they are a good fit for you.

So if you haven't been on a date in months, built up some courage and go ask someone on a date! You never know what could happen!