COM YOU NICK ATION

 How much does communication matter to you? Could you live without any communication with another individual? This would include no social media, no talking, no verbal language, and essentially sitting in a room by yourself all day. However, I certainly could not

Communication is part of our everyday life and is essential to living. Not only is it vital to everyday living but it is vital to relationships. The best couples have the best communication.

Asommunication that is open and loving. No degrading, petty comments, or criticism. I want to be able to build a strong relationship of trust and appreciation. I was recently inspired by a great system for communication.

There are 5 steps:

  1. The Disarming Technique: finding something true about what the other person is saying, even if it seems crazy.
  2. Empathy:
  3. Though Empathy: paraphrasing the other person's words.
  4. Feeling empathy: acknowledge the other person's feelings regarding the situation
  5. Inquiry: gently ask questions to better understand the other person's point of view.
  6. "I Feel" Statements: express your own ideas and feelings in a direct and tactful way.
  7. Stroking: be respectful of the other person even when you feel frustrated or angry, find a way to be grateful.

This can be a lot to try and apply at once but the basis of it all is to treat your partner with respect, be tactful, and express your feelings.

I actually tried using this system with my boyfriend this past week. We took a scenario we had already encountered and choose to just review it and practice these 5 steps. It was cool to see how well it works. Both of our opinions, feelings, and thoughts we expressed. He had recently taken a communication class and added another idea to this process. That being, perception checks. So notice something that your partner is doing and then ask them if you are perceiving it correctly. So in a way, being aware of your partner and his or her moods/actions. This is a very good way of showing your partner you care and that you want to help to be the best they can be.

It can be difficult when we get caught up in our day-to-day activities to notice that our partner is having a harder time. Both partners can be having a hard day too resulting in some bad arguments and or fights. When you look back you are able to realize that what you were fighting about was stupid and you were both just overreacting. My friend was telling me about something she and her husband have been working on. It is interesting and involves a lot of communication. When they get home they tell each other how they are doing and they give a percentage. For instance, on a hard day, they say I'm at 20%. The partner then in turn says don't worry I'm at 100% today (meaning that everything is going well for him overall). Now when both of their numbers do not add up to 100 they sit down and make a plan right then. This helps them to know how to address the needs of each other without getting angry or defensive.

Currently, I'm not married, and nor do I spend hours upon hours with my boyfriend. I am not an expert in any of this. However, already within my relationship, I see the value of good communication. Expressing my thoughts and not holding them in is what has allowed me to become more connected with my boyfriend. Communication is vital in any and every relationship. In this particular post, I gave a lot of examples but I encourage you to come up with your own strategies that will be best for you and your partner/friend/family member.

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