Friends have their downsides too

 One of the greatest heartaches known to man... falling away from someone you love.

Infidelity is a big problem in today's society. So much so that people don't even marry as much. Why make that commitment to one day end up in heartache?? They choose to then still get as attached though so in the long run are they really avoiding that heartache ... nope!

Whether you are married or not, it hurts when you lose someone to another person. Infidelity/cheating is a real thing that is devastating. It is interesting how there are several different forms of infidelity as well. Emotional, sexual, financial, and fantasy. Each one has its own aspect but in some way leads to the act of choosing someone or something else other than your partner.

As I have had some time to learn more about infidelity one thing that really stood out to me was how much friends play an impact on it all! When a man and a woman get married they have created a bond. Essentially a united circle. They are to be as one, being each other's biggest support and advocate. However, when friends get involved it can be messy. Not to say you can't have friends but that you need to be careful! For instance, when you get in a fight with your partner and you have a super close friend you will want to turn to that friend and ask for help. Not only help but also advice or just someone to vent to. (Let's be honest we all have our favorite friends to vent to) However, when you do this it pulls you further from your partner and brings you closer to that particular friend. Creating a bond with that person and in a way letting someone get into the circle that is meant for just you and your spouse.

Let's say the circle is like a fence around you and your spouse. When someone steps through your fence it breaks that bond and unity. It's likely to happen more than just once.

Now, let's say your partner turns to someone of the opposite gender. As they complain and seek help they will at first get emotionally attached to this person. Having someone to talk to who won't bicker with them. As this connection forms over time it is likely that an attraction will start forming. Then before you know it another couple is fighting to keep their marriage afloat.

I am very against opposite-gender friends when it comes to marriage. I believe that there is no need. You have your spouse to confide in and when things go wrong you shouldn't be searching for others to complain to. You may need to breathe and give yourself some space but you should work through your disagreements together. I think having friends of another gender is okay when they are friends of both members of the couple. Considered equal in friendship. I grew up in a house where when it came to doing things my Mom would talk with the other mom or other females. My Dad would talk to the other dads or other males. This was a way of making sure no one could assume anything bad but also as a way of respecting one another and not having to create awkward situations. I grew up knowing my parents were loyal to each other.

As I am dating at the moment I see why friends can be a hard topic to deal with. I have friends that have been there for me lifelong. They know me so incredibly well... they know when I am hurt and sad without having to have any conversation. My boyfriend also has friends that he is super close to. They all go out and do so much together. It can be hard to find a balance with all our friends. For me, it is hard to not get jealous of all the fun things he and his friends do and also to not get upset and opposite-gender friends. It's a learning process for sure.